So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
