please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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