Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
