he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
