Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
