Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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