When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
