Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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