WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
