Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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