T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
YAS. BRING CRAB.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
