i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
