the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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