I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
