You're my little dorito
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
