Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
