Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize