You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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