I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
