BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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