Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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