he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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