Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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