Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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