3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
