u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
