I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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