the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
