This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
