Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
