I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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