Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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