So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
