so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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