well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
