A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
