i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
