dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
