I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
