You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
