just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Well I just put wine in my tea
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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