What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
