Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
