i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
