It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
