You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
