I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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