The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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