...so i touched it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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