I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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