i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
it was like eating out sand paper
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
