how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
