well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
