I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
