I just made out with a guy for $7.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
