listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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