I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
