Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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