The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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