my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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