we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
