He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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