My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
