me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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