My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
