Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
