Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
